This is kind of like a public service announcement - important information....
"Scientific Study Reveals Hypnotising Effect"
study indicated that fabric gives off certain
Pheromones, that actually hypnotise women and cause
them to purchase
ungodly amounts. When stored in
large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones
(in the fabric) cause memory loss
and induce the
nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have
before the onset of winter i.e. storing food),
therefore perpetuating their species, and not having a
population loss due to their kind being cut into
and mixed with others. Sound tests have also
revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched
sound, heard only
by a select few, a breed of women
known as "quilters".
When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard
chants, "buy me, cut me, sew me!". In order to
overcome the so called "feeding frenzy effect"
that these fabrics cause,
one must wear a face mask
when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to
avoid being pulled into their grip.
laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a fabric
store, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones!).
have also indicated that aliens have inhabited
the earth, helping to spread the effects that these
fabrics have on
the human population. They are called
FABRIC STORE CLERKS.
It's also been experienced that these same Pheromones
cause a pathological need to hide these fabric
purchases when taken home (or at least blend them
into the existing
stash), and when asked by
significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is
"I've had it for a while."